TRANSCRIPT - Episode 153: Duet
July 21st, 2021
Kristen Zaza
[Eerie theme music plays]
Hello there, my friends.
There are so many things I've been putting off.
Things I've found difficult to address.
Things I've found difficult to even approach.
Things that don't exist in this world, and that I don't want to exist in this world, because this is a place of rest and calm, even when there are unquiet spirits and monsters here, it is still a place of calm, and I cannot bring distressing things from a different world here.
But also, things here that I've been leaving to exist on their own without me solving.
Like my own changeable nature. I don't want to fix that. I don't feel it needs to be fixed.
Like my loving friend made of fire here, who I don't really speak about, because I have no desire to control him. He will make himself known when it is time. I am not interested in pursuing anyone or anything, not right now, anyway.
Like the question of who is leaving these trinkets in the trees for me? Even still?
Because I found two lovelies this week.
And I shall never take them off again. Never, ever, ever.
Two rings, I found, hidden together in one tree. It used to be a home for an owl, I think. Or maybe it was for a squirrel. Who knows? A little hollowed out hole in one of the most ancient trees here.
I saw a glint in the shadows, from a great distance, and like a gust of wind I flew towards it, leaves and berries and twigs falling from my hair as I whirled fast yet gentle as a zephyr.
I reached my hand in, a little afraid I might get a bite from an angry creature, unhappy to be intruded upon.
But there, nestled among the leaves and grey feathers,
There they were.
One silver, with a pale, white-blue stone, large and clear and almost endless in its ghostly fog,
One gold, with a dark black and grey stone, small and elegant but intricate as my haunted forest even still.
I held them in the palm of my hand, almost having forgotten what such things were, for I've been using my hands more frequently to dig in the dirt, now, and I haven't worn anything so decadent in a long time.
But the silver one, I could just tell, was calling to sit on my right hand, while the gold wanted desperately to be on my left.
Who am I to refuse such a request?
Wearing the rings, I sat with my Tarot cards.
I feel as though I heard something, some kind of sign, there is some kind of message from someone, somewhere, that guided me to these glittering treasures, so different in appearance and energy yet both very much appealing to me.
So all I asked my cards, as I shuffled, was:
"What Next?"
And I drew
The strangest card.
One I've already drawn three times.
One that I don't really understand very well at all, if I'm being honest.
One that I will not lie to you, I drew with a different deck in a different reading for myself just moments before - it was a three-card reading - and this card was the first that I drew.
In a different deck.
For myself. Not for this show. Not for you. Not for us. For me.
I drew this card from 2 decks, one after the other, of course after shuffling each, so it felt relevant to tell you that.
It was
The Lovers.
It's not that I don't understand the Lovers.
Harmony. Romance. Choice. Relationship. Above all, love, love, love.
It's that I don't know what it is trying to tell me.
I have love.
I have love that I tell you about, and love that I do not tell you about.
I have it in many different ways for many different things.
Then why does this card keep coming back to me?
I wondered this, as I looked at the card between my two hands,
Each one now adorned with a very different treasure.
And a story came to me.
Just now.
I tell it to you as i decide it.
It is about two women
And two other cards.
Ones I've been speaking about for a long, long time, in many different forms.
My story is about The Empress
And the High Priestess
but mostly
It is about
The Lovers.
Let me create another myth for you.
I've done it before.
I've told you myths about the sun and the moon
I've told you myths about the gorgeous Lady Chaos
Let me tell you about the woman who lived on Venus.
[A gentle, pleasant chord progression on piano]
She was infinitely beautiful, and infinitely growing, it seemed.
Her hair long and thick, her eyes large and lustrous, her body gentle and abundant, she represented everything good and earthly and joyous and enjoyable. If she had a fault, it would be her decadence; she loved too much to walk with bare feet on the grass, to drink deep her neverending cup of red wine, to rest too long in the warm afternoon sun, to dance too ecstatically in the midnight moon. She had such an abundance of joy and love in her, that the idea of spending even a single minute of being alive not enjoying herself to the fullest, was extremely distasteful to her. Time was so short, and her planet so full of beauty, that she simply felt it was a crime to waste it.
Day in and day out, she danced, she sang, she ate, she drank, she laughed, she admired, etcetera, etcetera
But deep down, she felt a terrible dread.
A growing darkness. At first it was within her, only. A darkness, a pain, a little nagging itch inside of her, that told her she must take care. She must open her eyes. She must look beyond her little world.
It was difficult for her to do, you see, because Venus is a beautiful place. Venus has grass that is the loveliest shade of pink, and all of the flowers are varying shades of shining green. It smells always of strawberry jam on Venus. The sky is a glittering kind of gold, there, except at night - at night, when the sky is so black and the stars are so white that the trees - with shimmering leaves of turquoise - shake with fear, at the realization that there are other planets that may not be quite so lovely.
So you see, it was hard for this woman to look away from the world she loved so well.
But she did.
Because you see, she was clever. Not quite wise, perhaps, but clever as only one who is able to make her world whatever she wants it to be, can be.
She was The Empress.
She who sits on a throne with crown and sceptre and a gown decked with pink flowers. She who reclines in a field of wheat, peaceful and happy, with so much imagination that she cannot help but create.
She created the world all around her -
She created everything she needed in order to be happy, comfortable, and joyous.
But when she looked up, she saw the strangest thing, for the first time, ever -
And that was
The Moon.
But not just the moon.
It was almost full, but not quite - a little more than a half circle.
And as she looked closer, she realized that she saw, hanging off the side of it, desperately clinging to the edge -
Another woman.
Now, I've told you before about the Moon, and the Woman who lives there.
In my mythology, anyway.
Let me tell you again.
The Moon is an empty palace made of stone. It has no furniture, it has no fire, it has no torches. It is glowing white because the woman who lives there cannot help how bright and cold her light is.
Her beauty was a most immense and intense thing. Very different from the generous and sumptuous beauty of the Empress on Venus; this beauty was almost too much - it hurt one's eyes to see her beautiful face. It hurt one's lips to drink in her calm demeanour. It hurt one's ears to hear the sound of her lonely sighs. It hurt one's heart to fathom her timeless loneliness.
I tell you this as it was told by the man who fell in love with her and became the Sun, remember, so that he might follow her through the sky and sing for her to make her smile.
And when she smiled, she shone a bright, warm orange.
When she blushed, she turned a lovely bashful red.
But when she sorrowed
She disappeared entirely.
And now, the Empress on Venus could see the other woman, desperately clinging on to her home, desperately trying not to fall away, away, away, into space, and then into nothingness.
She wore pale blue robes
She wore a shining silver headdress
She clasped in her hand a scroll, which had unfurled itself in her distress, and trailed far, far, far away from the moon into the emptiness of the sky.
She was The High Priestess - do you recognize her?
The look on her face was not one of fear, but of determination.
Though she dangled so precariously, though she was so close to annihilation, she was not afraid.
And though the Sun's love song could be heard lightyears away...
[the distant echo of "Oh, it's so cold, and lonely, all alone up in the sky, it's so cold, if only - if only I could fly" from Episode 113: Virtuoso]
His love could not save her.
She didn't seem to expect or want it to.
The Empress, on Venus, tried to look away.
"What can I do?" she thought. "I am no more powerful than the High Priestess on the Moon. What does she need from me?"
And she tried to dance and eat and drink and sleep and play as she always did
She tried to make lovely sculptures and songs and stories that she could tell the birds
But night after night, The High Priestess kept struggling on, and the more round and full the moon grew, the harder it was for her to hang on to the edge...
(It's a space saga, that I'm telling you.
I hope you realize that.
I guess this is my science fiction, up in the sky.
This is how I tell a space story.
There has been a lot of talk about space lately-
and this is how I will talk about space.
I don't think it's scary,
It may not be exciting,
But it will be lovely.)
And far, far, far away,
On a planet with green grass and blue skies and billions and billions of people -
Some happy, some sad, some angry, some me and some you,
There were those trying their hardest to fall up off the earth and fly away into space, just as the High Priestess on the Moon was trying desperately NOT to do.
And as a great rocket roared and ripped through that inky blackness,
It startled our High Priestess,
and she fell down, and down, and down,
Tumbling and falling
Who knows where?
While everyone else on the green and blue planet far away
Yelled.
Whether in joy, or in rage, they made such a clatter, such a noise,
That the Empress had trouble enjoying anything anymore, really.
The time of laying in the soft pink grass had gone
And she felt a profound sorrow
And she wept for the High Priestess, now long gone.
She wondered if the Sun - who had claimed to love her so well - even noticed.
She wept
For now she realized how little her beautiful world and her infinite joy was worth
With no one else to care for.
With no one else to help. To nurture. To care for.
She had forgotten that, at her core, that was who she was.
She was Love, for those who needed Love.
And in this, with the High Priestess, she had failed.
And so she wept.
And of course, because this is my podcast,
She sang.
[The Empress Sings:]
My Love, my Sweet,
Won't you dance, dance with me?
I need you to see what I can't see -
So please, darlin', dance with me.
My Friend, where do you go
When the world hollers so?
Do you hide that lovely glow
That makes the ocean wildly flow?
[Empress and Priestess:]
We can't live just for the dreaming,
We can't thrive on wine alone.
We cannot go on believing
That the World will let us go.
But you and me - you and me -
Together we will see
It's not so bad.
Just hold my hand.
And we'll figure it out.
[The underscore on piano continues, under the following spoken text:]
But just then, emerging from those aquamarine trees and leaving a trail of silver and crystal dewdrops behind her,
There she was.
The High Priestess.
The Woman who Lived on the Moon.
And had come - quite deliberately, even if it appeared to be by accident -
to visit the Empress.
The lovely one who did not realize that she was lonely.
Now, the Empress knew a joy she had never felt before.
A joy that is impossible to feel when one is all alone.
A joy that can only be felt if it is shared.
Love, love, love.
Not love for beautiful pink grass and glittering gold skies.
Not love for one's own sweet voice or soft skin.
Love.
For another.
For someone she didn't even realize she missed.
And the Priestess saw the Empress's tears
And the Priestess, you see, unlike the Empress, was not clever at all, but instead, deeply wise.
Insightful. Intuitive.
She sees, all the way up there on the moon, what we do not.
And she decided then that the Sun would forgive her if she decided to love Venus instead.
Because her song was better.
[Empress Sings:]
My Friend, O Darling Dear,
I will always be right here.
I need you to sing loud and clear;
O darlin', I'll be right here.
My Love, where do you go
When the wolves howl so?
Do you fight them down below?
Will you defeat your hungry foe?
[Both:]
We can't live just for the seeing
We can't thrive on stars alone.
We cannot go on believing
That the Moon will let us go,
But you and me - you and me -
Together we will see
It's not so bad.
Just hold my hand.
And we'll figure it out.
When the Empress and the High Priestess kiss,
The sky erupts in a flurry of colourful shooting stars, almost like fireworks.
It may take years for the sight to be visible from earth.
But in that moment, every single person on Earth will look up
And gasp at the sight.
And they too will sing - what, I do not know, but they will sing, I'm sure.
But meanwhile, the two women on Venus will sit side-by-side in the grass.
One gold, one silver,
One clever, one wise,
And they will look up at the Moon
(which they can return to anytime they like, mind you)
And they will see some strange vessel, a rocket with nonsense words scrawled across it,
landing there
And they will laugh at it.
And squeeze each other's hand even tighter.
The end.
[A sigh]
I wear these rings now to remember that love between High Priestess and Empress.
I used to think that I must be one or the other.
Now I know.
In me are two women I've tried for too long to keep separate from one another
And now I realize just how dastardly that was of me.
They love each other.
And I must allow them to.
Goodnight, my friends.
Keep your eyes on the stars,
But remember to turn them to those around you, too.
Sleep well.
[Eerie theme music]
(Host speaks as Kristen:)
Hello my friends, and welcome to On a Dark, Cold Night. This is Kristen Zaza speaking; I'm the host, writer, creator, composer, producer, etc, behind the podcast. Thanks so much for joining me for Episode 153. I hope you're doing well down here on Earth with me. I wonder what was the inspiration for this episode? Anyway! This was my love story about Space. I hope you liked it!
I'd like to send a big thank-you today to two listeners who left 5 star reviews for On a Dark, Cold Night on iTunes. Thank you so much to Balefire Reviews and +4:30 , both from the US. Thank you so much for your kind words; it means the world to me that you took the time to share your thoughts about the show. If you listening at home are also enjoying what I do here, leaving a review for us like Balefire Reviews and +4:30 did would be so appreciated; I'd love it if you did so on iTunes, but you can also leave your thoughts on my Facecbook page, or anywhere else you like to review podcasts.
If you'd like to support the show in a different way, you can check me out on Patreon, where every monthly supporter of any amount receives full access to the complete soundtrack of the show. I'm also cooking up some other ideas for patron bonuses coming up soon, so if you're interested, check it out at patreon.com/darkcoldnight. If you'd prefer to donate one-time instead and not have access to those perks, you can buy me one or more metaphorical coffees at ko-fi.com/darkcoldnight. And I've got t-shirts and hoodies available for purchase at bonfire.com/on-a-dark-cold-night.
And finally, a great free way to support the show is to follow me on social media, where i love to hear from listeners and keep you up-to-date on what's going on with the podcast. I'm on Twitter @ADarkColdNight, instagram at darkcoldnightpodcast, or my facebook and youtube pages called "On a Dark, Cold Night".
Thank you so much for listening to me go on about space and planets and love tonight. Have a good sleep, if it's that time for you right now - and if it's not, have a good sleep later. Just have good sleep.
Sweet Dreams.
[Eerie theme music]
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