TRANSCRIPT - Episode 214:  The Dungeon

November 14th, 2022

Kristen Zaza

[Eerie theme music plays]

[Your Narrator:]

Hello, my friend.

Thank you for coming to find me.

I know it must have been difficult, there hasn't been much light to help you

But you found your way here, and I'm grateful.

I know it's so dark right now

I'm not sure where my candle is. Have you got yours?

No?

That's fine. Don't worry.

Sit in the dark for a moment

[a breath]

Not so bad.

Does it feel like...there's been a sort of...I don't know...heaviness?

Something in the air, maybe?

Or something in us, something pulling our shoulders a little lower and lower towards the ground, caving us in, arching our backs forward with our necks extended, craned downward? A heavy step in our feet, our legs a little tired from who knows what?

Are you tired?

Are you carrying something heavy?

Something dark, something that drains, bleeds you like a leech, pulls at the corners of your mind so roughly that your head hurts too?

You stretch and you stretch but it doesn't help

What on earth is it?

Look. Look down.

Ah that's right, you can't see in the dark.

But you're carrying something

Something dangling from a chain around your neck

I am too

Small and sturdy and shaped like a box, the size of a jewelry box, but the weight of an elephant, or so it feels

It looks like...a chest...a treasure chest perhaps...

Locked, locked well, with a key that I don't even know I have

Yours might be different, it might look different, but I think you might have it too

What's in there?

Nevermind. It's none of my business. Don't worry about that.

I know where we should go.

Now, we're going to go down into a dungeon.

Let's take care as we do, for a dungeon is a treacherous place, and an imagined dungeon even more so.

Well, it depends what you believe, I suppose, doesn't it?

Let us walk down these stairs. We must go slowly, for the steps are cold and slick and the stone is hard and the way is dark.

But while we do, let me check, quickly -

Are there any questions for me?

[Distant, ghostly voices:]

Are you superstitious? How often do you think about death?

Thank you, spirit.

I will answer these on the way to our destination.

I'm not sure whether I would call myself superstitious

Not when it comes to conventional superstitions, at any rate

I think - I'm not entirely sure, but I think - that what we believe is what is true, and therefore, if we believe in superstitions, they will be true.

Following that logic - why not create our own superstitions?

I certainly do.

There are little habits that I perform certain times of day, week, ,month, though I am not perfect about it.

Little tasks I delight in completing as part of my practice

But I do not do it for fear of bad luck or desire of good luck, for attraction of blessings or an instinct to attain,

(at least, not when I am my best self, but I have had and will continue to have my moments of wolfishness and want. Hopefully less and less as I grow in and out of time.)

Practice is a reward unto itself

And from it, if we are so lucky, we might see a garden bloom

Though I also don't believe we can anticipate what that garden will contain exactly.

I'm not sure how often I think about Death.

I think often of others who have died

I was about to call them "the dead", but that's not quite right, is it?

For I dream often of those who have passed

And it is as though they are with me, alive as I ever knew them

But it is a bit different

It is like a visit, only.

I prize it as a rarity, an unusual and wonderful occurrence

When I dream of parties, I often see those I know to have passed there

(They only come when I dream of parties)

And I am so happy to see them, and them to see me

And we both know it is incredibly rare for this to happen and there is a bit of sadness that it might a long time until I see them again (or it might not, I don't think either of us know)

And so we spend that time in a state of complete

gratitude

How often do I think about Death?

I don't know if any of what I said counts

Because I don't think of them as within Death.

Death

like Birth

to me

is an experience

that we will all have once within this lifetime

In each case

That is, Birth and Death

I think there is a door that is opened

and what lies beyond it, no one can tell

Until it is time to look and see for oneself.

Death

like Birth

is a doorway to Life

and Life

is

This

Breathe

In

and

Out

Smell the air

Feel your heartbeat

Blink your eyes

This is nice

This is Life

This is one side of the door

The other?

The other.

Do I think often about the other side of the door?

Sure.

But as I blink my eyes here, I realize

That is how quickly time can go by here, in what is the vast expanse of all that we are, were, and may yet be,

So I must take care not to fixate too heavily on what is not this, for this is clearly where I am meant to be, and there is something I must do here and now

Death is inevitable and we must not be afraid of the inevitable

Life is also inevitable and we must not take it for granted

Enjoy this side of the door and all that it has to offer

For one day, it will open, and then -

[A little laughter]

Who can say.

I think about it often, I suppose.

Or maybe not often at all.

How often do you think about it, dear spirit?

Spirit?

[Music. Ominous and very electronic-sounding.]

Ah.

We've found our way to the dungeon.

Ghosts don't like to come here, I don't think.

I don't know. I've never been here. But then again, everything here is new as you discover it. We're discovering it together, are we not?

Are we not?

Little lanterns glow dimly

Their light pale and small

lighting the cobblestone floor and walls in tiny haloes here and there, pockets of light in an otherwise dark place

You can see water dripping here and there

No rats, no spiders, no moths, nothing living wants to come here.

Not to the Dungeon of our castle.

Let us walk together through it.

Down the hall, past empty cells with rusty bars.

A dungeon with no prisoners?

I am relieved to see it, but I can't help but wonder:

What is it for, then?

That casket around your neck, it's so heavy, isn't it? I know mine is. I must stop. I must breathe. I must stretch. But we also must keep going, keep going, keep going. But where are we going? What are we doing? Is it the right thing, is it the wrong thing? Is this place even real? Is it even right to try and put this down? Surely, I've got it for a reason, there is a reason it's paining me and draining me and slowing me down and keeping me awake...Surely, I must deserve this for one reason or other, surely, surely? No, not surely, there is no reason that this thing should keep me from enjoying this life, this side of the door, while I am here. Then it is right that I should be angry about it, that I should viciously detest and fight and hate the thing, despise whoever put it there, though I cannot for the life of me remember who that is...ahhhhh, frightful, despicable thing, who do I blame, who do I hurt as revenge for you shackling me so? Ahhhh, there's that wanting wolfishness. A better question - how do I get rid of you, heavy and awful as you are, O Thing Around My Neck?

[A deep and terrible voice:]

"You could give it to me"

[A great breath]

A great breath; and all the lanterns go out. And everything is dark.

"Who is there?"

"Give it to me. Give that thing to me. I shall unlock it, and release the thing inside of it. If it is alive, I shall nurture it and let it grow into a great beast that will dwell in this dungeon, until one day - surely and certainly - it will be ready to be released."

"I don't have the key. I don't have pockets. I don't even have a body."

"Never fear. Here it is."

Ah, indeed.

Glinting, in the shadows, the red light from the eyes of the one we are speaking with bouncing off the little silver thing.

"Give me the key," I order it.

"Give me the chest," it replies.

"No."

"No."

All right, let's go.

You and me, my friend. Slowly as we must with this extra weight and the pain in our necks.

The thing behind is crying and growling and snarling and cursing

That will fade.

[A faint guitar strum fades in]

Follow the sound of water.

Follow it to what looks at first like a sewer, a little dirty stream going through this place, trickling at first, but flowing more and more readily as we keep going

The water becoming purer and purer, and little lanters starting to light again

Only I notice

Weeds

Peeking out from the cobblestone

Water dripping more steadily from the ceiling as cracks in the rocks become more frequent

A breeze

We're almost outside

I thought we were coming here to lock something away

Now I realize

This was just another part of the journey

See that moonlight streaming in?

We're almost outside...

[The droning hum of a musical night]

Ah, here.

The stone door slides shut behind us.

We're no longer in the castle.

In fact, we're in

a forest

The Forest

Remember this place?

Oh, I remember this place.

Its trees sway gently in the almost freezing night air

The moon is so bright even as she wanes

The birds sing infrequently, but they are here

There is a little sound coming from the chest.

Is there a sound coming from yours?

[Humming, low and soft, takes over the guitar]

We have followed the stream to a creek to a river

Gently flowing

Fish lazily passing through

Deer and rabbits sipping at the river's edge

I take the chain from around my neck and lean over to the casket, and I whisper:

"I haven't got the key. Can you please open up?"

Slowly, the lid opens

And inside

is…

Well I can't speak towards what's inside yours

Mine is...

Well, see for yourself.

[Music; guitar, humming, and a soaring vocal line too now]

I'm going to let it free.

I'm going to give it to the river.

And perhaps it will find its way to the ocean.

That is not to say that it will never come back; for perhaps there will be a time that I will be admiring a gentle river in my sacred and sweet forest, and I will see the Heavy Thing I Carried come back to me once more

I might have the urge to pick it up

But I will allow it to float by

Swim on in that fresh and clean water

And pass me by once more.

I know that it will bite

I know I will have to lock it up again

And I know it would weigh me down again

And so, better to give it up.

Set it free.

Bye-bye, thank you, off you go.

Lie in the grass on the riverside with me.

Look up at the stars

Which side of the door are we on, now?

That's a trick question

We are in a place with no doors

Maybe there are no doors at all

Maybe it's all once place.

Maybe we can let things go, here

And be free of them

And when we go back inside to the castle -

That place with many many many doors -

We can remember this river

When something else comes along that we might feel an urge to lock away and keep in a little casket on a chain around our necks.

Remember this river

Remember that, no matter how dark the dungeon on the way to it, no matter how hungry the stranger living there, no matter how familiar that pain in the neck feels,

This river will be here

Ready

Gentle

And ever

flowing.

[Eerie theme music]

(Host speaks as Kristen:)

Hello my friends, and thanks so much for listening to Episode 214 of On a Dark, Cold Night. This is Kristen Zaza, your host, writer, podcaster, narrator, composer, etcetera, behind the show. I don't know about where you are, but the weather is getting quite colder here - we're nearing that push toward the holiday season, we just had the blood moon eclipse last week, and a waning moon now, and I wonder if, like me, you're also feeling exhausted? Ready for hibernation? In need of rest and sleep and healing? Anyway, I hope you can find time for it. I would like to quickly thank listener and supporter of the show, Kayla Dae, aka venus_in_pursuit on instagram, who submitted the two questions (about superstition and death); thank you so much for another pair of great questions, Kayla, I really appreciate you sending them along. Stay tuned for some ways you can submit listener questions to hear answered in an upcoming story, if you're interested.

First, I'd like to take a moment to thank our sponsor this month, Magic Mind.

I'm certainly no stranger to stress, anxiety, fatigue, and overwhelm. Keeping up with the demands of daily life, maintaining a day job, continuing my creative work, and also find time for friends and family and ghosts and goblins, can feel like a lot to ask of myself, and often, I find my concentration suffering and my energy fading. As someone with a complicated relationship with caffeine, this can be a tough thing to navigate. I tried Magic Mind, and I noticed a huge difference. I replaced one cup of coffee a day with what is essentially a small green bottle of juice, and not only did I notice a difference in my focus, energy, and stress level, but I found myself sleeping better at night as well after the switch. It contains a compound called L-Theanine, known for naturally reducing your body's stress levels, and what's cool is that it contains adaptogens like ashwagandha, lion's mane mushrooms, cordyceps mushrooms, to name a few, which are mood-boosting-relaxation helpers. I was really excited to learn about the benefits of what's in this tiny bottle of magic mind, and after incorporating it into my daily routine, I consider it a great way to start decreasing your caffeine intake and find a more grounding, gentle, and effective way to stay focused and energized throughout the day.

I have a 20% off discount code for listeners of the show - to learn more and try it out, go to magicmind.co/COLD20, and enter the code COLD20 at checkout. They have a money back guarantee, and if you purchase the subscription, you can actually get 40% off. Heads up - while the 20% off is valid forever, the 40% code only lasts 10 days! Either way, if you're interested, again head to magicmind.co/COLD20 and use offer code COLD20 at checkout.

Thanks so much, my friends.

I'd like to thank a new patron this week who pledged a monthly amount in support of On a Dark, Cold Night through Patreon - huge thank-you this week going to Emily Pedersen. Thank you so very much for contributing to the podcast, Emily, and welcome! If you're interested in supporting this way, head to patreon.com/darkcoldnight, where every patron of $1 or more a month (USD) gets access to my complete soundtrack, while patrons of $5 or more US get that and access to a monthly tarot-reading video I upload every month on the full moon. We just had a blood moon eclipse reading last week, so you'll be able to check that out. Again, learn more at patreon.com/darkcoldnight. If you'd prefer to donate one-time only with no perks, you can buy me one or more metaphorical coffees at ko-fi.com/darkcoldnight; and you can also buy t-shirts and hoodies at bonfire.com/on-a-dark-cold-night.

I'd also love if you followed me on social media; I'm on Twitter @ADarkColdNight, instagram at darkcoldnightpodcast, or on Facebook or Youtube under the page names On a Dark, Cold Night, or on tiktok at kristenzaza. All of these avenues, whether it's through patreon, ko-fi, or social media, are all great ways to reach out to me with any questions you might like your narrator to possibly answer in an upcoming story, so feel free to follow me and shout me out through any of those means.

And of course it'd be a huge help to me, if you enjoy what I do here, to leave a rating and a review for On a Dark, Cold Night on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever else you like to rate and review podcasts.

Thanks so much, my friends.

I hope you're able to set down whatever heavy thing you're carrying, even if only for a little bit

And breathe some fresh air

And stretch

And just be.

Sweet dreams.

[Eerie theme music]

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