Episode 251: Allhallowtide, Part 6
October 30th, 2023
Kristen Zaza
[Eerie Theme Music.]
[A very low voice. Over the course of the journey the voice will become higher and higher until it's our Narrator's]
There you are.
She wanted me to find you and bring you to the party.
Who am I? don't worry about that.
Why is it all dark here? Don't worry about that either.
I'll get you there safely.
It won't be long.
This way.
I don't feel like talking much.
She's more the talker, between us two.
But I know we're on the right path. You can trust me.
See?
Not so dark anymore
We're outside
Outside, inside, doesn't make a difference for this castle
The stars are orange up there
The moon is just less than full and orange too
The leaves on the trees are red now, just as she told us they would be
They are decked with what I think are ladybugs, spotting every leaf
The grass looks black and shimmering, sparkling almost
And my favourite part
Out past the front door, trails of jack o'lanterns, large and small, line our way
Smiling faces watching us with their candlelight eyes
We're on the right path.
[Laughter and chatter briefly fades in and out]
[The voice is slightly higher]
Little monsters are running from place-to-place. One might guess they are in costume but that's what they always look like - they are little creatures, spirits, ghouls and goblins of all kinds, but all children, each one precious and feeling safe enough for one night of the year to run around together, laughing, looking for bigger monsters to give them treats, or witness their tricks
They feel safe in the pumpkin light
I wish they felt safe like that all the time.
Do you remember where we went last time we spoke?
The place she told you a love story?
I liked that one quite a bit.
[An echoing breath, a distant resonance]
She's a little worried because she has difficulty writing stories for Allhallowtide
She just wants to enjoy the holiday
Hopefully with you
and everyone
She hopes you like it.
She wants to share the holiday with everyone as though we were family
We are
She carved each of these pumpkins by hand
They may be simple, just two round eyes on most of them, some of them have a little round mouth too, she kept it simple because she wanted everything ready in time
She wanted to keep the message simple:
Dress up, have fun, dance in the candlelight.
[The voice is slightly higher]
There are frightful things in the world; fearsome things hiding around every corner
And in the bright light of day and screenlight and electricity we all feel the need to hide
Spotlights on us make us lie
But in the shadow of gentle candlelight...in the dim light of this orange moon...within the early-growing shadow of this blessed time
We can reveal what we truly are
We can enjoy each other fully
When we can't examine every minute and insignificant difference between us
We all seem the same when we're masked in shadow
which is the truer state, therefore?
I'm sorry, I'm pontificating, opining, musing
She didn't write a story, she wanted to celebrate instead
So let's just enjoy Halloween together.
[The voice is slightly higher]
The jack-o-lanterns have all grouped together around this place we're approaching
We're at an ancient temple, a place of aged white stone
Covered in vines
Roots
Leaves are red now
The now-red leaves from the trees swirl in the wind and do not land, they make circles in the sky like moths
The moon is so bright
Its white light passes through the red leaves and makes streaks of red light on the white stone
There are stairs going down, down, down
To a room
With a giant well
Unfathomably deep
We will not go down there
We stop where the jack-o-lanterns stop
Up at the top
Where we can look down and see the stairs, see that climbing ivy, look deep into that well once more
At night it is even emptier
But watch this
[Music; light and mischievous and eerie, like a haunted music box]
Take a pumpkin with a candle in it
Give it a little kiss and make a wish
Got one?
Good.
Now drop it down.
Everyone.
See? Countless pumpkins tumble down down down into that well
And they light it up in gentle firelight flashes that ripple across the stone of the well
Casting a shadow on Her
[Deep, echoing laughter; overlaps with the one who's been guiding us here the whole time laughing]
[The voice is slightly higher]
She's coming up
We'll be together again
Prepare, prepare, prepare
The pumpkins open their mouths
They rise up feet from the ground as though resting on bodies we cannot see
They will join the prayer with me
Prepare prepare prepare
Continue, my friends, say it with me
[The voice is slightly higher]
In the Shadow, you see, we are one
[The voice is slightly higher]
In the Shadow, you see, we are one
[The voice is slightly higher]
In the Shadow, you see, we are one
[The voice is slightly higher]
We rest in Eternity
Perpetual light shines within us, from us, through us
Rest in Peace
Rest in Peace
Rest in Peace in that candlelight
[The voice is slightly higher]
Rest in Peace
[The voice is slightly higher]
The little monsters sing it with us too
Because you needn't be dead and gone to rest in peace, do you know that?
In Peace
You may rest
Even if just for one night
Even as your heart beats
Even as your feet dance
Even as your voice sings
rest
in
Peace
[Her voice is her own again]
It's me
Hello
You know it's all me
Even as I blend perfectly with the shadow, you know me
You know it's me
You feel it , don't you?
Within? The little glowing light that makes the shadow greater, wraps you up in its embrace and demands you join that shadow?
If you close your eyes and look in rather than out, what do you see?
Shadow
And sometimes golden or red light
From a little candle
You can't really see
Flickering
Almost as though we are seeing ourselves from the inside of a jack o lantern
I don't care if it's nonsense
This is how I celebrate.
The pumpkins dance
You may not see their bodies but you see their heads bobbing, rolling, lolling, mouths moving, eyes searching
And within them little creatures run and laugh and play
It's all been leading to this
The endless well of shadow
The little monster children
Dancing, dancing, dancing
It's all led to this
I have no conclusion, there is no conclusion
Just dance with me
As I slip farther and farther away from the narrative
What is a narrative without a narrator?
Nothing
Shadow
Glorious and True
This may be our last Allhallowtide in this space, maybe it won't, I don't know
There's no knowing, there's no planning, there's no time
All we have is this
This celebration
This moment
Together.
I have a song about it.
i'd like you to dance
Even if it's only in the space of your closed eyes
Dance for Creation and Destruction, for Death and for Rebirth, for Order and Chaos
Regardless of how it makes you feel
I think it's the dancing that's important
Maybe that's why I give my life to music
We need something to dance to, don't we?
Come on, little pumpkins.
This one's for you.
[A song. The music box from before, with a slow piano, and layered voices]
You came to find me in my little world; I'm grateful for that more than I can say
And while you're here, don't fight your fear; it's what we're here for, after all, today.
This Halloween's a special one, or I think we have the chance to make it so
We'll wake the dead, so the dead can rise and wake up the living who don't know
That this is not the way the story ends
The story has a secret that I'll share, my friends -
The shadow picked me up and dragged me down
The shadow has the pen that wrote me down.
And in that shadow, I'll show you everything
Nothing can hide within that darkness
You'll tell me stories, all the stories within your heart
Nothing can stay hidden in the dark, in the cold, on this dark, cold night...
of Halloween.
You came to find me in these castle grounds; You've humoured me enough to find the way
See the souls on either side of you? Take up their hands, dance with your feet, and sway.
It's Halloween; and there's darkness still, but dancing pumpkins teach us on this night
Though they feel cold, dark emptiness, there's always room for a little bit of light.
This is not the way the story ends
The story has a secret that I'll share, my friends -
The Shadow picked me up and dragged me down
The shadow has the pen that wrote me down.
And in that shadow, hey look! It's everything
Nothing is left behind in that darkness
I told you every single story held within my heart
I cannot keep them hidden in the dark, in the cold, on this dark, cold night...
Of Halloween.
This is not the way the story ends
The story is no secret, it's told again, and again -
The Shadow picks us up and drags us down
The shadow has the pen that wrote us down.
And in that shadow, let go of everything
That you desire to hide within that darkness
Hear all the stories, the ones that break your heart
Nothing can stay hidden in the dark, in the cold, on this dark, cold night...
of Halloween.
[Out of character, as Kristen]
Well my friends, that's it.
That's this Allhallowtide Episode.
Hard to celebrate in a world so full of fear, but that's what this holiday is for. Facing our fears.
Fear is the hardest thing to let go of.
But remember that things are not always as they appear.
And we may appear to be alone and lost and flailing, at times
When we are actually together
And dancing.
So just hold each other's hands tight
And do it.
[Eerie theme music.]
(Host speaks as Kristen:)
Hello everyone, and Happy Halloween. welcome to the 6th Allhallowtide Episode we've shared together. That's incredible to me. This was episode 251 of On a Dark, Cold Night, and I am your host, writer, narrator, composer, etcetera,. behind the podcast, Kristen Zaza. This is a pretty unusual time. We have just experienced a lunar eclipse, we're coming up on Halloween, and despite all of the chaos, struggle, and pain in the world, the hatred and indifference, the stuff that hits us right in the heart...despite all of it, I celebrate the fact that the veil is thin between us all, including you and I. Happy Halloween.
I'm very excited this month to have an exclusive story available only on Amazon Music Canada until after Halloween - it's called "It Dances at Night" and you can listen to it in Amazon Music's Thrills and Chills collection. It's a little story I created about a woman processing a difficult time, and moving to a new home that's haunted by something rather rambunctious. I'm really proud of it - You can get early access to it by visiting music.amazon.ca/podcasts/pages/ghost-stories, so feel free to head on over there to check it out!
I would like to thank a new patron who pledged a monthly amoung in support of On a Dark, Cold Night on Patreon - thanks so much to Christopher Cennon! I'm so grateful and so glad you're enjoying the show, Christopher. And I'd also like to thank an Anonymous Somebody who supported the show by donating on Ko-fi.com - thank you so very much for that, I appreciate it so much! Every Patreon supporter of $1 US or more a month gets access to my complete soundtrack, while every supporter of $5 US or more gets that, a weekly bonus mini-meditation episode, and a monthly tarot reading video every full moon. To learn more, visit patreon.com/darkcoldnight. And to support one-time only with no perks like our generous Anonymous friend, you can visit ko-fi.com/darkcoldnight to learn more. We also have t-shirts and hoodies available for purchase at bonfire.com/on-a-dark-cold-night. And those mini "Quick Moment" meditations are also available by subscribing to the Sonar+ apple podcasts channel for 3.99 a month; you can do so by finding On a Dark, Cold Night on Apple Podcasts or by searching for "The Sonar Network" there too.
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Thank you so much for listening this week. I hope you have the loveliest Halloween, my friends. I'll be celebrating with you, and I know that if we all celebrate together, we'll all be able to feel that joy all the more profoundly. I'll be thinking of that.
Lots of love everyone. Sweet dreams.
[Eerie theme music]
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